Contested Voices: The Hill House Free Speech Board’s Persistent Legacy at Sarah Lawrence

I offer you ghouls a glimpse into the future – a prediction, of sorts, with my crystal ball. The crystal ball knows all, and it thinks that this Halloweekend at SLC will be as messy as your communal kitchen.

You’re probably starting to realize just how hard it is to avoid someone on a college campus that’s roughly the size of a city block, if even that. With only two dining halls and a student population of just over 1,500, it may seem like an impossible task to avoid people on campus, but not to worry. Here at The Phoenix, we’ve crunched the numbers, and here are the three best ways to avoid that person on campus. 

In 2011, Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen claimed that Portland was a magical place where people could go to stay in their 90s alternative heaven. Now, in 2024, I have decided to pass the candle over to a new place where that same dream can thrive: Sarah Lawrence College. Goodbye Oregon, hello Yonkers! 

For all of the first-years coming into Sarah Lawrence College from across the globe, it may be daunting to sense whether you will ‘fit in’. But fear not! After several hours of painstaking observation (dinner at the one and only Bates Dining Hall), I’m here to instill upon you what I’ve learned about Sarah Lawrence fashion in five simple components. 

 I mean really, let’s think about it from their perspective; these men are busy trying to reinvent the Film Noir genre, quote Camus in a casual way, and roll better cigarettes than their friends. They’re under so much stress! Add the pressure of having to reject women while still seeming available to the rest of the queue of prospects; these guys can’t catch a break! 

Sarah Lawrence has always been a place of sanctuary for the progressive, the avant garde, the out and out weirdos. Lesbian culture has found its home at Sarah Lawrence, dare I say since the college was founded. So what to do about all these straight people?

To save any unaware English girl from confusion, I have compiled a list of must-know tips before stepping foot in one of the most famous places in the world: New York City. 

But while most people are concerned about what they’re going to say, at a place like Sarah Lawrence, where the liberal arts 360º exists, maybe you should be more worried about where you decide to have this conversation. 

While you might think the biggest threat you face when you go home for the holidays is dealing with that one relative who never knows when to shut up, there's actually a darker possibility to be aware of this holiday season: being sucked into a Hallmark movie.